Place: A small dark stage, deep in the heart of the Mission.
It is a stage as vast as space and as timeless as infinity.
It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man's fears, the summit of his knowledge and the black box we call...The Dark Room Theater.
Once again the return of spring and its promise of renewal becomes but a summer sign post up ahead, next stop?
This year we assemble 16 directors, 8 Rod Serlings and various “commercials” for 8 weekends of ironic thrillers
from the Twilight Zone pantheon performed live on our diminutive stage!!
"Applauded wildly," writes SF Chronicle, "Played for sheer fun!"
As always, the show resets every week, so you can come all eight weekends and see a different pair of episodes and a new Rod Serling.
Twilight Zone Live: Season X features the directorial talents of Front Row, Ham Pants, Craig Souza, Peter Illes,
Sylvan Productions, Dean Mermell, Patrick Simms, Melinda Bailey, David J. Moore, Dan Wilson, Tim Kay, David
Robson, Mike Spiegelman, Alexia Staniotes, Ralph Hoy and Thomas Apley. The show will also feature Dan Foley,
Dene Larsen, Adam Curry, Sherilyn Connelly, Diane Nathaniel, Thomas Apley, Rajeev Dhar and James Galileo
playing Rod Serling.
Fridays and Saturdays at 8pm June 7 - July 27, 2013
Dirty Dancing: Live!
It was the summer of 1963, before President Kennedy was shot, before the Beatles came, and, when, oddly enough, soundtracks were composed in the 1980s. Innocent 17-year-old Baby vacations with her parents at a Catskills resort. One evening, she carries a watermelon to the staff quarters, where she meets Johnny, the bad-boy hotel dance instructor, who is as experienced (slutty) as Baby is naïve (underage). Baby soon becomes Johnny's pupil in dance (sex) and love (more sex). Will Johnny's kinda dancin' win over the respect of Baby's father? Will Baby be able to cover Penny's dancing when she goes to see her real M.D.? Will Lisa ever find her beige iridescent lipstick? Come see DIRTY DANCING: LIVE! at The Dark Room Theater in May to find out.
The Church of the Subgenius and Dark Room Productions are happy to present the Ask Dr. Hal Show, live on stage once again! Admission FREE! Yes FREE!!!!
Amazing! Astonishing! Astounding! You will pay to know what you really think!
Prophetic and Oracular answers given.
Featuring the weird powers of Dr. Howlin' Owl, and featuring your host for the night, Radio Valencia's own John Hell. Also on hand are soundsmith KROB, IT Visuals by Sherilyn Connelly, science liaison Pete Goldie, sardonic poet Rusty Rebar, and bard of distinction Whitman McGowan. Also included are animated cartoons, horrifying monster movie footage, mystery guests, bardic recitations, surprises, low-rent miracles and of course LAFFS!
Doors open at 9:45 and show starts at 10 PM.
Friday, May 24, 2013 10:00pm
Trainwreck Cabaret captures the charm of off-color entertainment from the 1950s, with the sarcastic modern twist that could only come out of San Francisco. You'll enjoy comedy, music, burlesque, and sword swallowing! For your entertainment, we've captured the best local talent from many different genres and put them together for a show you'll never forget.
Best Alternative Comedy show in San Francisco. Featuring comedians from Comedy Central, SXSW, and the Comedians of Comedy tour! For more info, visit thebusinesscomedy.blogspot.com.
Tickets: $5 at the door.
Wednesday 8PM $5
Bad Movie Night
Sunday 8PM $6.99
In the tradition of Mystery Science Theater 3000, except you can't tell which ones are the robots. David Manning
Cinema is our culture's dominant art form.
It holds up a mirror to who we are.
It reflects our society, our dreams, our hopes, our fears.
Our films are how future generations are going to judge us.
Unfortunately, most of them suck.
Seriously, thoughever notice how you can't walk down the street or open a magazine or stand in line at a store or simply exist without ads for some dumbass multi-zillion dollar movie about a talking kangaroo
being shoved down your throat?
And then they expect you to pay fifteen dollars to see it in some googolplex, and after sitting through a half hour of commercials? Or watch it on DVD and have to sit through even more commercials and anti-piracy ads that you can't skip past? Doesn't it all just piss you off?
If soor if you just like to have a good timethen Bad Movie Night is for you.
Laugh with the hosts riffing on the movie. Yell your own comments. Try to figure out what the hell "Skull Films!" means. Help yourself to the free popcorn. Enjoy the non-alcoholic beverage of your choice purchased from the store across the street. Don't worry if the guy behind the counter glares at you. He does that to everyone.
Best of all, only pay six measly bucks (and ninety-nine measly cents).
There's a lot of reasons why they probably should have stopped making James Bond movies by the early 1980s.
Roger Moore was too old and too not-caring, certainly, and didn't really wanna do it anymore. And the fact that they decided to have him dress as a clown suggests that maybe, just maybe, they were out of ideas. Out of good ideas, anyway.
Then there's the theme song.
Is that even a song? Is there a melody or a hook that I'm not hearing? And, seriously, why is the name of the song not "Octopussy?" Why (ahem) pussy out on that one?
We may never know. And, like Roger Moore, we don't care anyway.
Your hosts Sherilyn Connelly and Maura Sipila actually care. They care way, way too much, in fact.
May 26, 2013
The World is Not Enough
This was not Pierce Brosnan's final turn as James Bond, but it probably should have been. Also, Denise Richards plays a nuclear physicist named Christmas Jones, so there's that.
More than enough pandemonium reigns.
Jim Fourniadis, Mike Spiegelman, Alexia Staniotes, and other Elektras.
June 2, 2013
In you've ever felt that Japanese horror movies just aren't weird enough, you're in luck.
Four-walled wackiness ensues.
Sherilyn Connelly, Mikl-Em, John Hell, and other hausus.
June 9, 2013
The Haunting (1999)
A very good movie was made from Shirley Jackson's story The Haunting of Hill House. This is not that movie.
Jacksonian pandemonium reigns.
Jim Fourniadis, Jason Wiener, Tristan Buckner, and other de Bonts.
June 16, 2013, 6pm Special Event (in a box!):
Rhiannon and Sherilyn's Poltergeist Double Feature Birthday Sleepover!
To celebrate Rhiannon and Sherilyn's birthday(s), we're going to riff on the sequels to Poltergeist. Fair warning: they're really bad.
By the way, Sherilyn was born on June 16, 1973, so come help her celebrate the lifetime's worth of questionable choices that have resulted in her watching the fucking Poltergeist sequels on her 40th birthday!
Bring your jammies and blankets and get cozy. Necking with the birthday girls encouraged.
Ectoplasmic wackiness will ensue. SHOW BEGINS AT 6PM, BITCHES.
June 23, 2013
House on Haunted Hill (1999)
No, House on Haunted Hill is not related to The Haunting of Hill House. Why would you even think that?
Mountainous pandemonium reigns.
Jim Fourniadis, Mike Spiegelman, Tim Kay, and other spooks.
June 30, 2013
Amityville II: The Possession
The even more-true prequel to the "true story" that was made up in the first place.
Possessive wackiness ensues.
Sherilyn Connelly, Mikl-Em, Dan Foley, and other Montellis.
July 7, 2013
The Blair Witch Project
The one that started it all. ("It all" being throwing up in the movie theater, that is.)
Handheld wackiness ensues.
Sherilyn Connelly, Mikl-Em, Ira Emsig, and other virals.
July 14, 2013
Paranormal Activity 4
Answering all the unanswered questions from the first three, except for why there were already three.
Webcammed pandemonium reigns.
Jim Fourniadis, Tristan Buckner, Alexia Staniotes, and other camgirls.
July 21, 2013
The filmmakers call the monsters on the moon "moonsters," which tells you everything you need to know. .
Houston, we have wackiness ensuing.
Sherilyn Connelly, Mikl-Em, Tim Kay, and other cosmonauts.
July 28, 2013
People in a building go nuts as a virus attacks, and someone keeps filming it on their camcorder, as you will. Also, was trounced at the box office by behind Beverly Hills Chihuahua.
Pandemical pandemonium reigns.
Jim Fourniadis, Mike Spiegelman, Maura Sipila, and other detainees.
August 4, 2013
The Raid: Redemption
A cop who knows martial arts fucks a lot of people's shit up.
Unredeemed wackiness ensues.
Sherilyn Connelly, Mikl-Em, Rose Lacy, and other raiders.
August 11, 2013
Hobo With a Shotgun
A homeless guy with big gun fucks a lot of people's shit up.
Homeless pandemonium reigns.
Jim Fourniadis, Ziad Ezzat, Dan Foley, and other tramps.
August 18, 2013
Punisher: War Zone
A vigilante with a lot of guns fucks a lot of people's shit up.
Collateral wackiness ensues.
Sherilyn Connelly, Mike Spiegelman, Tristan Buckner, and other zoners.
August 25, 2013
A ninja who knows martial arts (duh!) fucks a lot of people's shit up.
Stealth pandemonium reigns.
Jim Fourniadis, Mikl-Em, John Hell, and other Shinobi.
Sherilyn Connelly, Mikl-Em, Alexia Staniotes, and other Renesmees .
September 8, 2013
The Hunger Games
Teenagers battle each other royally in a futuristic dystopia. Also, they are hungry.
Gamey pandemonium reigns.
Jim Fourniadis, Sherilyn Connelly, Tristan Buckner, and other mockingjays.
September 15, 2013
The Host (2013)
In Stephenie Meyer's first post-Twilight novel, a girl is possessed by an alien which does not result in sparkly skin, so what's even the point?
More mormon wackiness ensues.
Sherilyn Connelly, Mike Spiegelman, Ira Emsig, and other wanderers.
September 22, 2013
Beautiful Creatures (2013)
They're not "witches," they're "casters," you racist.
Gothic pandemonium reigns.
Jim Fourniadis, Mikl-Em, Tim Kay, and other aesthically pleasing beings.
Sherilyn Connelly, Mikl-Em, Tim Kay, and other Berlingers.
November 10, 2013
Speed 2: Cruise Control
Because if "Die Hard on a bus" worked for the first movie, then why not "Die Hard on a bus boat" for the second movie? Why not, indeed.
Keanu-free pandemonium reigns.
Jim Fourniadis, Ziad Ezzat, Rose Lacy, and other Bullocks.
Sherilyn Connelly, Mike Spiegelman, Maura Sipila, and other Viggos.
November 24, 2013
Highlander 2: The Quickening
If any movie should have killed the possibility of furture sequels, it's this one. It should have gone back in time and killed the original, in fact.
Slow pandemonium reigns.
Jim Fourniadis, Mikl-Em, Alexia Staniotes, and other McLeods.
December 1, 2013
Santa Claus: The Movie
The guys who made the first three Superman movies try to do the same with Santa Claus. It turns out about as well
as Superman IV.
Reindeer-powered wackiness ensues.
Sherilyn Connelly, Tristan Buckner, Maura Sipila and other blitzens.
December 8, 2013
It's a Wonderful Life
Frank Capra and Jimmy Stewart relieve every sitcom ever made from having to come up with an original idea for a Christmas episode.
Suicidal wackiness ensues.
Jim Fourniadis, Alexia Staniotes, John Hell, and other bell-ringers.
December 15, 2013
The Nutcracker in 3-D
The children's story no child actually likes becomes a nighmare-inducing CGI abomination for all ages.
Unshelled wackiness ensues.
Sherilyn Connelly, Mikl-Em, Tim Kay, and other ballbusters.
December 22, 2013
A killer stalks nubile young women at a sorority house. One of them is Buffy's annoying younger sister, so it's not such a bad thing.
Pandemonium reigns and tinsel flies.
Jim Fourniadis, Ira Emsig, Mike Spiegelman, and other baggers.
December 29, 2013
The Polar Express
A terrifying CGI train ride deep into the Uncanny Valley, where lifeless collections of pixels take on a vaguely human form to haunt your deepest nightmares.
Dead-eyed wackiness ensues.
Sherilyn Connelly, Ziad Ezzat, Dan Foley, and other valley-dwellers.